Why, pray tell, must I deceive myself?
Why, pray tell, must I fall in line with deception?
Why, pray tell, must I succumb to fallacies, lies, and fabrications?
Why, pray tell, must I build myself a pedestal of false hopes and dreams?

My shouts echo against the limits of my proverbial mind.
At first it seems endless, but I realize it is temporal, I am temporal.
I witness my decrepit self being rolled and kicked by mirth-filled demons;
Even after death my soul is not cared for.
Multiple images of who I am confuse and intimidate me in a glass room of trick mirrors and slick mirrors, of dark mirrors and light mirrors, of wrong mirrors and right mirrors....
I punch out the glass in hopes that I could end my multiplicity,
But every mirror that breaks creates another two.
I run down the hall, the twirling, whirling hall of wonder and confusion,
magic and illusion, timidity and intrusion....
Only to find...to find...to..find...nothing?
Nothing there?  Nothing where I thought would be something?
Something that I could hold.  Something that I could cherish.  Something that I could trust to stay constant through all the change.
My brain quickly takes my fantasy land to lock and key
As it ushers me back to reality, ever so quickly, isn't that tricky?
Oh white rabbit!  Save me from the horrors of this reality.
Take me to those intoxicating horrors of your fantasy!
I trust thee to help me to thrust thee, but I know it cannot be.
Thusly, I thrust thee into the wooded area with trees to roam free.
Morbid dreams of sheep on stilts could never amount to the triumph of a single hare of knowledge.
Awkward silence; the transition between thought.
You are vulnerable in every spot.
You are paralyzed for a splitting second.
Unable to speak, think, move, or hear.
So what if you just disappeared?
You are of no use in that splitting second, so die.
Die like every other living entity in the universe.
Soft languages better spoken in song.
And we'll have tea with them, all along.
And then we'll realize our time has gone.
And no more questions will be answered.

I found my US History book.  It was in the band room.

Okay so here's the deal:

I don't have my AP US History book.  I don't know where it is.  I don't how it got lost.  All I know is that I don't have it.  The Unit 5 Exam on "After Reconstruction" through "The Gilded Age" and " Industrialism"  is on Monday.  I have to PERSIA four chapters and a packet for 100 points.  I could work my ass off doing 136 vocab cards and figuring out this 130-something word crossword puzzle all for 40 points of extra credit, but I decided that this time isn't the right time to obsess over that stuff.  My point is my test is on monday and I am going to lose 100 points on stupid PERSIAS.  Plus, today, Saturday March, 12, is junior prom.  This was not the right weekend to lose my book.  Also, I have a Great Gatsby Close Reading Essay due tuesday.  I don't know what happened but somehow I lost control of this weekend.  I had it all planned out as to what I was going to do, homework-wise that is, and now that has all gone downhill.  Any advice?  I could just let the PERSIAS go and miss a bunch or what?  That's what I need help with here.  So if anyone, mainly refering to juniors but open to anyone, could give me a suggestion or anything, that would be cool.  Thanx.

Recently I have been receiving many apologies from those involved and those close to the people involved in "The Incident." (If you do not know what I am talking about then refer to my guestbook or earlier posts)  I just wanted to let those people know that I accept their apologies.  It was a tough time for you all and while I was not quite happy that you foisted all of your anger, blame, shame, and other such feelings upon me, it is okay now.  There has been nothing that has resulted from it; things are back to normal.  I am pretty sure you all realized that what happened was not the smartest thing or the right thing and I simply called you out on that.  I hope understanding has been reached and while the furious storm raged, so does it lift.  I accept your apologies and just hope that it does not happen again.  Thank you.

This an apology to Adrian and all Xanga readers.

I am apologizing for the harshness of my post before last.  I succumbed to my anger and frustration that came about because of stupid differences that could be easily ignored and tolerated if I tried.  Much of what I said was out of anger and much of what I said was exaggerated.

When I said that Adrian was incapable of human emotion and interaction, I meant that he does not interact with my family and I.  I know that he is much more open and outgoing when he is with his friends,but I just do not see that side of him when he is at home.  He usually goes into his room and closes the door.  I did not mean to personally attack Adrian's personality and for that I apologize.

When I said that Adrian did not change his clothes for two days, that was an exaggeration.  That comment stemmed from previous knowledge that I heard from my father.  He said, and I quote, " I did'nt see him bring a change of clothes."  This was not necessarily a lie because I did not know that I was not telling the truth, but it was an exaggeration, and for that I apologize.

When I said that Adrian had nothing interesting to say, that was also an exaggeration.  Much of the time he does not talk to me or my family in open conversation unless he is asked a question.  Many times, Adrian tells us something about Germany we did not know.  I should not judge his personality by this meaningless factor, and for that I apologize.

I apologize for attacking Adrian's liking for Rap and Hip-Hop styles of music.  Just because I do not personally enjoy these styles of music that does not mean I should criticize him for liking them and for that I apologize.

I also apologize for attacking his constant practicing of his trombone.  It is a good thing that he practices every day because that means he gets better every day.  He is a really good trombone player and I should not criticize him in his pursuit to become a famous musician, either in trombone or the rap industry.  Having to hear the trombone through your wall every day for four or five hours can get a little annoying sometimes, but that still does not mean I should have attacked him as I did.  For this I apologize.

I have learned that acting out of anger is wrong.  At the time, my post seemed justified as "venting."  I now realize that "venting" on a public site was both wrong and stupid.  The harshness of my "venting" was inappropriate for everyone and for that I apologize.  I apologize directly to Adrian Kleinlosen;  I know that this does not make your stay in America that much better.  I also apologize to Adrian's friends who know him better than I do; he is obviously much different when he is with you than when he is at home.  I do feel bad about my post and I apologize once again.  I hope hurt feelings will mend because the last thing I need is for things to feel awkward.

Thank you for reading and/or listening to my formal apology and explanation of my actions.  Once again, I apology for the mistake I made and I warn you all to not fall into the same snare that I did.  Thank you.

Scott Nathan Charvet